She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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