Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
