when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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