I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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