Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
