im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
