Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
