Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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