it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
