$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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