you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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