i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
