Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
