get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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