There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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