Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
