she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
