Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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