i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
