So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
