I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
