Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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