You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
