hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Enjoy the penises
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