my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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