i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
soo... how was my night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
