I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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