Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
