I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize