OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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