If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
