There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
