is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
