Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
