just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
