My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
