Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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