Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
