So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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