She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
