So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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