I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
