I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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