We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
