oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
