Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
