Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
