I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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