It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
