dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
