sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
