How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
