yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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