pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
