She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize