Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
