At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
