he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize