even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
