So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
