The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i think my mom watched the whole time
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
