im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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