haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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