TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
