Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize