Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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