Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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