I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
