grandma shit on top of the toilet
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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