The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
