my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize