Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there was a trapeze. enough said
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize