we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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